One Small Habit changes everything

Engaging your Compassionate Heart

It’s perplexing isn’t it?

How difficult it can be to build and maintain good habits? Especially the long term ones we’re working on.

Why is it that we fall so easily back into “old habits,” even when we know we’re doing them?

This happens to me when I am not paying attention to how I feel.
When I’m feeling overwhelmed and scattered.
When I’m anxious and trying to make something happen.
When my life falls short of my expectations.

In those times I have an annoying pattern of procrastination.

To be honest I’ve known this for some time, and finally I got fed up enough to do something about it.

So lately, I’ve been studying my patterns. Practising different techniques to catch myself before I get distracted with something else.

My favourite avoidance is to start tidying, organizing or cleaning my home.

I tell myself “once everything is just so, THEN I’ll get back to doing that thing.” I can sound very believable!

Unfortunately, I have found more often than not, that it’s often harder to go back to the task I started with, even if all my laundry is all washed, ironed and put away.

Then I am mad and critical with myself.
And, when I get frustrated at not having things exactly as I want, I often feel an irrational, but pervasive sense of isolation – as if “I” were the only person suffering or making mistakes.

Perfectionism for most of us lingers close by.

Always waiting to pounce, the moment we are feeling vulnerable and imperfect.

And we don’t like feeling that way, do we? We want things to go our way, people to behave “properly,” and to approve of us, and we hate making mistakes or feeling inadequate!

Be kind whenever possible.
It is always possible.
– Dalai Lama

The Art of Compassion

Understanding for yourself, that you are doing the best you know in the moment.

This is the easiest way out of negativity than anything else I know.

I lean into where I feel vulnerable and uncomfortable and notice what I DO when I shut down to avoid discomfort.

I dare to be gentle with myself when confronted with a painful experience rather than getting angry when life falls short of my expectations.

And daring is actually the perfect word here. It takes courage when you’re feeling shaky, to believe that:

  • What you feel is acceptable
  • Disappointment, feeling let down, sad is normal and natural
  • This too will pass
  • That you deserve love, ESPECIALLY if you’re having a tantrum
  • That no matter what you’ve done or not done, you’re still enough and loveable.

Here’s a couple of great journal questions to ask yourself if you have a habit of beating yourself down with criticism:

What is MY definition of being loveable?

What do I think I have to do, to be loveable in my own eyes?

How would I think about myself if I believed that I am doing the best I can?

We’re programmed from birth by our parents and society to “be good” in order to feel good. And when we’re “bad” that’s usually been someone else’s idea of who we are. And yet, many of us still carry that way of defining ourselves.

Self-kindness needs constant attention, it requires us to step out of the idea of bad girl” or “good girl”, and begin to own the idea that we are all doing the best we can in each moment.

Self-kindness requires that when we are feeling less than, and small, we need building up, not beating down, if we are to transform ourselves.

Honoring and accepting your humanness is an act of courage.
Life often doesn’t go the way we want it to.
We will encounter frustrations, losses will occur, we will make mistakes, bump up against our limitations, fall short of our ideals.

As we begin to understand this is our shared humanity, that everyone is in the same position, we are able to open our hearts to this reality instead of fighting it. Then the way forward shows up for us all.

“A moment of self-compassion can change an entire day. A string of such moments can change the course of your life” `C. K Germer

Work with me

Are you ready to make this year, the one where you intentionally make better and more empowered choices for yourself?
To risk more, to be wiser, more committed to changing your life for the better?
Would you love some support and accountability to start accomplishing more of what you say you want to do, and you’d love some guidance for where to begin?
Here’s your chance to stop settling, to discover and create what it is you really want in your life. Let’s just talk and see how we can work together, and get you clear, confident and back in the Game!
Isn’t it time you discovered and claimed what your heart longs for.
Please do GET IN TOUCH with me here, I’d be delighted to talk to you.

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