I was reminded this week of a story I love, which illustrates something particular I have been practising for my own sanity the last few weeks. Then, talking with a client this week about the discomfort of change I wanted to share some of the things that we discussed to help her stay in the game.
“There was once a young hiker walking down a path, and he spotted a new butterfly that had just been born. It was struggling and struggling to open it’s wings. So the young hiker thought “Oh I’ll just help it” So he gently and carefully helped to unfold the butterfly’s damp wings.
And the butterfly then died.”
Because in the natural process of life, the butterfly’s struggle to open its wings is the way it develops the muscles and strength it needs to fly.
And when this well meaning young man took away the struggle, he also took away the butterfly’s ability to liberate it’s own strength inside itself so it could fly.
We all do this unwittingly to other people, especially the ones we love. We do anything or say anything to help someone not “feel bad.” We try to take away their pain.
More importantly, we do it to ourselves. We tell ourselves a “story” that says “struggle” is bad, that it shouldn’t be this way, because WE should know better!
One of the trials in my life has been a lower back issue from an old car accident. I am rarely in any great pain, but 2 months ago it flared up with a vengeance, and I knew I needed to consider another perspective.
The old story line’s that run through my head go something like this -“What-is-wrong-with-YOU! God, I’m hopeless, Why-can’t-I-figure-this-out?, I should know better”
They are seriously vicious voices and can suck the life right out of you!
And if you get stuck there, they will remind you of every single bad thing you ever did – starting in kindergarten.
These are the voices that play over and over the moment we lose hope, feel disappointed, feel sad and don’t know what to do next.
• They keep us small, and spinning our wheels
• Or running for help in the same places
• Or talking over and over about what’s going wrong
• Or we run and hide.
Because it does seem for a while at least to soothe the pain of feeling helpless – or so we tell ourselves.
Here’s the thing! Self Defeating Talk takes up all the room in our minds and leaves no space for something better to come along. Gone are any thoughts there might be another way, another choice.
Get still enough, long enough, to still the negative stream in your head. Or grab a friend who will just help you say your thoughts outloud so you can hear your own insanity!
YES, life can be a struggle, it can feel like you are broken at times, it can feel like nothing will ever be right again –
Here’s the other thing!
WE are always bigger than our thoughts!
You can take it one day at a time, one practice at a time. You don’t have to be perfect in the first 3 mins!
You can learn to do, think and feel differently when you choose to!
Click on the image for a recording I made for you about discomfort and how to ease it.
Conversations for Success
1. Build Inner Muscle
A lovely friend of mine who wanted to start exercising, but kept balking at the door, used to tell me “well I went to the gym today!” Great I’d say, how did that go?”
– “Well I didn’t go in!”
He’d say laughing, but he was serious!
Seriously scared everyone would look at him, and he’d look like a wimp against the more seasoned folks.
So I suggested he just “Go to the gym” every day until he could walk through the door.
It worked! A few days later he walked through the door, and a couple of weeks later was a regular participant.
That was when I first realised how powerful tiny steps could be!
When we can’t get where we want to be, we are already in pain. Don’t add to it by setting huge unmanageable goals.
Find a way, your way and do that!
I think what we forget is that our particular “struggle” – the “hurdle” we’re not sure we can jump, the disappointment that weighs us down, is the not the truth of what’s really going on. It’s simply an opportunity for us to build some inner “muscle.”
The same way you would at the gym:-
- You have to show up, and then show up again to build perseverance.
- You have to lift a weight that’s a bit of a stretch to believe you can
- You have to lift it again and again to build the tenacity to hold on through the discomfort
- And, It helps to apply humor and be willing to go to plan B, when you falter with plan A!
YES, It’s uncomfortable, yes, fake it till you make it, yes, it takes more than one try, and yes, maybe you need some hand-holding for a short time to get out of that negative head space – and into a place where you are at least willing to try another way.
But the relief of having the discomfort ease, or the moment that next step pops into your head is totally worth it!
2. You’re not doing anything wrong!
You’re not going crazy because you can’t “get it right.”
You’re probably stressed, tired, overwhelmed, anxious?
Does it occur to you ever to slow down, rest, eat better, delegate?
If it does – what do you do that works for you?
If you don’t – what could you try?
Do you ever question the stress in your life?
Struggling with something when you’re anxious and worried is not the same as doing something the wrong way.
Do you ever question the negative stories in your head?
Do you ever notice how many times you find yourself in a struggle and consider a whole new view point?
Ask – What would feel better?
What am I not seeing, willing to do or try?
Do you ever pause and ask yourself, what do I need right this minute?
Do you give yourself that, or dismiss it?
What if you investigated these ideas, wrote the questions down and answered them?
Do you think you might surprise yourself with the answers?
Just a thought!
YOU have questions? Drop me a line. I’m delighted to help.
WORK WITH ME
Are you ready to take that step towards creating positive change in your life?
You may not know exactly what it is you actually want, but you do know you’re looking for the next steps and some support and guidance to help you improve your life and accomplish more of what you truly desire!
Let’s just talk and see how we can work together to get you clear, confident and back in the Game
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